We survived Christmas

I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't even wrap presents until Christmas Eve. I used to complain that if I only had more time, I'd have everything done ahead of time.

Well I do, and I didn't!

I didn't even buy name tags so Hans had to improvise with this.

I think he did a fine job!

Christmas isn't relaxing to begin with but it was even less fun to drive a nerve wracking 2 hours in 'almost' freezing rain to my parents' house. Since I'm the kind of back seat driver that can make even Hans (the most patient man on the face of the earth) want to toss me out of a moving vehicle, I drove.

Even in the pouring down rain all the highway signs still had festive icicles hanging from them which made me nervous, and also made for a very tedious trip.

Look at the smug face on Miss Kissy Pooh, my parents' obnoxiously spoiled doberman.

She's quite pleased with herself because she ended up causing a scene and getting her cousin Rambo in trouble.

BTW, that's her Christmas present lying there between her legs. It's a squeaky duck, and as always she opened her present all by herself.

Here's Rambo the offender.

This sweet and very meek guy got into trouble for 'attacking' Kissy Pooh.

But I bet I know exactly what happened.

I think Kissy Pooh stuck her tongue out at Rambo and said, "NaNaNa!! I got a present from Sandy Paws and you didn't!!! I got a toy, and a sparkly gold collar, and I'm pretty, and I have an expensive supply of blood at the vet's because the people I own think I'm a hemophiliac even though I've been bitten by woodchucks, and one time by a muskrat, and I have yet to 'bleed out', and I get birthday cakes every year..."

And that's about the time Rambo the Husky had heard enough, and fixing his icy blue eyes on her said, "I'd hate to see that blood supply go to waste." And he charged her.

That's it. Nothing happened but, oh my what an upset! What a commotion! Kissy Pooh was stunned! She nearly turned herself inside out, and then my dad ran to my mother and tattled on Rambo. My mom burst into the room, and with a cigarette hanging out of the side of her mouth she shouted, "Goddamit! We don't put up with bad manners in this house!" And Rambo got sent upstairs for a time out.

Smoky the cat was the survivor of the day as far as I'm concerned.

Here he is on the kitchen table (his favorite hangout) after a wild bout of wrestling with the green catnip mouse that Sandy Paws brought him.

"Man, that was some good stuff." he said.

My parents' TV was on full blast all day long and I caught Hans doing this just about the time Ralphie and his Red Ryder BB gun was playing for the umteenth time.

Hans and I don't appreciate the same movies and I forced him to watch Ralphie (he'd never seen it from beginning to end before) the previous night.

Poor guy.

While Rambo was in time out, the ever innocent Miss Kissy Pooh checked out my niece's birthday cake. Her birthday is on Christmas day and when she was little she used to say, "Jesus was born on my birthday." She's never lacked self esteem.

I'm glad to report we had a much easier time on our ride home. Hans drove, and after he informed me that he knows how to use his high beams, I shut up! After unloading our junk we fished a very upset and crying Countess von Chlorox out from under the bed, and I have no idea what was wrong. Even the lure of Greenies wouldn't budge her.

All is now well, I've had my bourbon, Hans his beer, and The Countess finally ate her treats and even purred a bit.

Next up; New Year's Eve!!!!

I can't wait.