I just need me a man!

Hans only found out yesterday that while he's been in Germany these past two weeks, I moved another man into the apartment.

Okay already! I admit it, I'm weak!

Anyway this new guy is a charmer, and in addition to being adorable, he's a sweetheart and loves to cuddle.

I was pretty sure that Hans wouldn't approve, and during our many overseas conversations he had no idea that another man had usurped his territory.

But last night I caved and spilled the beans.

He wasn't thrilled but I convinced him that my decision was sound and that I (and my male guest) have been very happy!

I also told him that by the time he gets home tomorrow I'll have this fellow and his belongings out of the apartment.


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!









Tell me, just tell me that you would turn down a chance to have this handsome devil spend a few days with you!

I didn't think so!

After all, he was on Pitter Patter again this week.

Vet Tech Girl is out of town and while her new roommate agreed to watch him, I wanted Duncan to myself for a few days.

And oh, have we had fun!












Even though he knows he's not allowed on the futon, that's exactly where I found him when I got out of the shower yesterday.

And he refused to get off.

But that was the last time he pulled this stunt and he's been a good boy ever since then.

In an effort to keep Duncan off the futon I put a pillow and blanket on the floor and like the good boy he is; he used it.









We made a trip to Petco and got him a Kong and some treats. Unfortunately we didn't get out of there in time to avoid the very large Pit Bull who found Duncan to be very desirable and tried humping him right there in the middle of the store.


Later that afternoon we ran into the same problem at a park that has signs all over the place that state all dogs must be on a leash.

Shortly thereafter a family arrived with two dogs not on leashes and their very large pitty mix also thought Duncan was hot stuff, and mounted him several times. I got tired of shooing this horny bastard off Duncan and ended up having to leave.


This leads me to believe that Duncan has been dabbing my perfume behind his ears before heading out for the day.






I've run this boy's butt off all week long. Even tonight, after having cleaned three huge houses, I took him for a run.

I don't think he's used to so much exercise and tonight he bypassed the blanket and conked out in his crate at around eight PM.











Oops! The flash on my camera awakened Sleeping Beauty!

But don't worry, he fell right back to sleep.

Damn!! I'm gonna have a hell of a hard time giving him back.

Back to sewing

Thank God Hans is in Europe on business right now or I may never have found out that I'm going to need an evening gown for a wedding we're to attend! Yes, an evening gown!

Hans' cousin is tying the knot this May in Germany, and while I may not be multi-lingual like some people (all of Hans' family!), I do know what cutaway means, and when I saw cutaway on the 'printed completely in German' wedding invitation I suspected this was going to be quite the formal event.

"Don't worry, just wear a nice dress." This was from Hans who wore a long sleeved (and very wrinkled) t-shirt to his brother's formal 50th birthday party in Switzerland!

Anyway, Hans took advantage of his business trip and was able to visit family, and that's when someone (probably remembering the wrinkled t-shirt fiasco) drove home the fact that this is going to be a FORMAL AFFAIR!

I (and I'm proud of myself) didn't say, "I told you so!" and went straight to JoAnn's. Normally I rely on Hans, my fashion guru, to help me with these things but like I said, he's not here. Luckily I hit the jackpot and found a cute little gay guy to help me make a choice between the final two fabrics I liked. Here's a link to the pattern and with my past track record, I think we all know it's going to be a huge failure!

http://www.simplicity.com/p-5000-misses-special-occasion-dresses.aspx

Bad pictures of the fabric, but look who moved right in!

There's a distinctive border running down the edges of the fabric but I'm hoping that since I'm so short I'll be able get the skirt portion out of the middle part, and the bodice part from the deeper color edges.

Trying to see if the pattern pieces will fit was impossible.

I won't have a chance to get at this for a week or so and when I do a certain kitty is going to get locked in the bedroom.

I wanted to have some fun with this situation and wondered what people would think if we showed up with Hans wearing bib overalls minus a shirt, and I would be wearing a flour sack complete with binder twine belt.

Hans didn't think that would be a good idea.

Wadda Weekend!

I drove back to my little swamp town early Saturday morning.

Baby Girl had a lacrosse game at noon.

We won, but I was frozen to the bone as it was horribly cold, windy, and rainy!

Before the game (because I knew what the wind and rain would do to my hair) I went and got my driver's license photo taken. Honest to God, it's the best one I've ever had! It looks nothing like me.

I took an antique desk out to my parents so that it can be stored in the event that we ever move onto our boat.

I went shopping in hopes of finding something to wear that wasn't second hand or made by me.

I had no luck, and OMG how I hate dressing room mirrors!

I tried to check into the hotel where I'd made online reservations the night before. Apparently I didn't know what I was doing, or I really wanted to be somewhere else, as my reservation wasn't even in this state! I don't even know anyone in Toledo!

I bribed my best friend from my thirty-something single days (all it took was a bottle of bourbon) into letting me invade her home for the evening so I wouldn't have to sit alone in my hotel room all night long.

She had an out of state friend complete with family staying at her home for the weekend, but thanks to the bourbon, said, "Sure, c'mon over!"

So I did.

Unfortunately for everyone there, I developed diarrhea of the mouth and never shut up!

We laughed about our good old single days, like the time we met a bunch of business men and they drank champagne out of one of her red high heeled shoes.

On a Wednesday night.

I was wearing sandals.

She told me about her son's upcoming wedding. She's trying to be good, doing absolutely everything the bride wants, and has warned her husband to keep her in check at the reception. She doesn't want to go down in family history as the crazy drunk mother in law who danced on the tables!

I reminded her how we used to throw pizza crusts to Vet Tech Girl (about 6 months old at the time) who happily gnawed at them as she sat in her infant seat.


She asked if I remember when, as a basketball cheerleader in high school, she got confused and ran out onto the court before the buzzer sounded, tripped over her own feet and landed flat on her face in the middle of the game!
I must not have been there because I don't remember it, but oh how I wish I'd seen that!

I was so wound up when I got back to the hotel I couldn't sleep. That, coupled with losing an hour due to Daylight Savings Time, made it very difficult to get out of bed this morning.

I headed straight to Baby Girl's Soccer Banquet (lacrosse game yesterday, soccer banquet today!). Anyway, have you ever sat through lunch in a room with twenty three sobbing college girls, all fanning their faces and bawling, "I promised myself I wouldn't cry!!"? Only three of them are graduating this year and I don't even want to think how bad it will be next year when seven of them (one of them being Baby Girl) venture out into the big world.

I will be taking a whole box of Kleenex.

I finally arrived back in the Big City where I am now camped out on the futon with The Countess von Chlorox and trying to digest the huge lunch that was served at the banquet.

I thought weekends were for relaxing!

Just what I didn't need.

I didn't need to get this picture sent via Vet Tech Girl's phone last night when I was already feeling very low!



This 9 week old Pit Bull puppy has a smashed orbital bone and a torn ear. This is thanks to the idiotic owners locking him into a laundry room with a pregnant Pit Bull who is very unsociable.


They thought he would be company!


Can you see his IV line.


Anyway the receptionist had hysterics when she learned the owners were just going to take it home and see if it could survive on it's own. Vet Tech Girl jumped into the fray and the puppy is now at the clinic being treated in hopes that a new home can be found.



It's bill will need to be paid too.


Vet Tech Girl thought I would be happy to adopt it but I just can't take on a dog right now. We travel too much and we want to move onto the boat and Pit Bulls have far too much energy for that kind of situation. I've no doubt someone will take him but I'd just like to know when this poor breed will stop being exploited. You know damned well this is just another case of back yard breeders taking advantage of idiots who want Pit Bulls yet have no idea of the responsibility involved!

Anyway, he's a big 9 week old puppy with a very sweet personality and I've no doubt he'll make a wonderful companion. I just hope the clinic is very choosy as to who gets him.

He deserves the best!

The Conversation.

If one were to eavesdrop in our little apartment here in The Big City....

Me: Oh My God, To Kill a Mockingbird is on and it's one of my favorite movies, is it okay if we watch it?

Hans (intent on an Internet poker game): Uh-huh.

20 minutes later.

Me (all misty eyed): God, I love this movie and just look at Gregory Peck, isn't he wonderful?

Hans: Uh-huh. I can't believe this! Some bozo has put me all in and he has to know I have the winning hand.

Me: Did you ever see this movie?

Hans: What movie?

Me: To Kill a Mockingbird!!!!

Hans: Oh yeah.

Me (during the courtroom scene): Did you see that??? Did you see that??? Imagine treating people that way!!

Hans: Uh-huh.

Me: Did you ever read the book? I must have read it a million times.

Hans: Uh-huh. What's on now?

Me: TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD!!!!!!

Hans: It's still on?

Me: Hans!!! Where the hell have you been?

Hans: Well, I'm kind of involved in this poker game.

A few minutes later.

Me (jumping up from the futon): Oh shit! I forgot to pack a lunch for work tomorrow and we don't have anything to eat in the apartment!

Hans: Uh-huh. Oh, C'mon!!! Who goes all in with a three and ten unsuited?

Me (rooting through the refrigerator): Hey, here's the turkey breast you couldn't find this morning for your lunch!! Ha-Ha! I'm going to use it for a turkey, salami, and cheese sandwich for my lunch tomorrow!

Hans: You found the turkey breast? Can I have a piece of cheese?

Me (with a mouthful of the turkey breast that in my opinion smells funny): Yeah, but it smells funny, do you think it's ok?

Hans: It's fine.

Me (on the verge of swallowing the funny turkey breast): You think it's ok?

Hans: Sure, cheese doesn't go bad.

Me (shouting around half swallowed turkey breast): I'm talking about the turkey breast!

Hans: Oh, I wouldn't trust the turkey breast.

Me (spitting out what I hadn't swallowed): Hans! What the hell do you think I'm talking about?

Hans: The cheese.

Me: Oh God, I hope I don't get food poisoning! I have to work tomorrow!! I hope I've drank enough bourbon to kill the germs.

Hans (with a thoughtful look at his can of beer): Does alcohol kill germs? Because I never get sick.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Back to the living room.

Me: Here's the part where Boo Radley comes out of nowhere and stabs the bastard that was after Gregory Peck's kids!

Hans: What are we watching now?

Me: OH MY GOD!!!! TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD!!!

Hans: It's still on? Because I don't remember this part.


And folks, you've just been treated to a typical evening in our little apartment here in The Big City.

And this happens pretty much every night.


Imagine how much fun we'll be in the nursing home.

More Down and Dirty Cleaning and a Cover Dog

It's always a thrill to see my granddog on Pitter Patter! Here he is at about 8 weeks of age, and this picture appeared on their site yesterday.

Well, today I headed back to Vet Tech Girl's apartment for some additional cleaning. Vet Tech Girl has a new roommate and I thought it only fair that the place should be, well, less noxious is the only term I can think of right now.

I could go on and on about scrubbing baseboards and walls, vacuuming and mopping floors... screaming when I thought I sucked a mouse into my sweeper (cat toy), but I won't.


I will, however, tell you what happened when Duncan met Molly, Roommate's adorable cocker spaniel.

Oh yes people!!! Another dog is getting tossed into the tiny apartment mix.

But at least it's a mix that's minus a rabbit!! Hallelujah!!!! Rabbit went to live with some other rabbits yesterday and I'm sure it will be very happy now that it doesn't have a pit bull as a playmate anymore.

I was busy cleaning when Roommate introduced me to Molly, and oh my what a pretty little blond girl she is. Then Vet Tech Girl came out of her bedroom where she was just waking up after having worked the overnight shift at the clinic and Duncan was hot on her heels. Duncan had yet to meet Molly and he never missed a beat and went straight for her.


There was a lot of hysterical barking, growling, snapping, biting, and chasing.

I kept screaming, "Oh My God! Oh My God!"

Vet Tech Girl kept screaming, "Shut up Mom! Shut up!"

But cocker spaniel Molly, ran pit bull Duncan's butt all over that apartment. With tail tucked firmly between his legs Duncan tried to escape, but couldn't.

Vet Tech Girl took over and made Duncan (held him down is more like it) sit still so Molly could approach on her own volition. It took awhile and even though I think Molly's face is going to freeze into a permanent snarl I believe they may become friends. At one point they both entered the kitchen at the same time, and exited, without a skirmish.

But Duncan kept entering Molly's space and taking her favorite toy, which caused Molly to tear after him, which only made him run with glee, because OMG he has a new friend!!!

And that's what Duncan is all about; making new friends.

And who wouldn't want to be friends with a handsome devil such as him?


I mean really!

Good God what a day!!!

One thing I love about my new job (professional house cleaner) is that we don't work Mondays. I mean, what's better than that.

So after breakfast I called my daughter (Vet Tech Girl) and asked her if she would like to go on a shopping spree to The Good Will with me.

It was supposed to be a fun day.

A day of no work.

I'm now feeling a bit like Alice in Wonderland and I believe I fell into a huge rabbit hole because it's now a quarter to ten (yes 10PM) and I just sat down.

We had a very successful shopping trip (I picked up the tab).

We discussed her new roommate and I tiptoed around the 'odor issue' that Roommate's mother detected upon delivering Roommate's furnishings.

Vet Tech Girl just couldn't understand what the problem was, because she can't smell anything! And for the first time in four years she invited me into her apartment (which is the lower apartment in our duplex), and for the first time in four years, I entered it.

I immediately took her to Lowe's and we got an air purifier and next week we may need to get another one. I also picked up a new garbage can, and some floor mats for outside entry ways.

I told Vet Tech Girl that if she'd start some picking up and moving around of furniture (for carpet steaming) I would take Duncan, my exquisitely beautiful and brilliant granddog for a long walk and hopefully blow off some stink (and steam).

Actually Duncan doesn't stink but I think the effect of 5 cats, a rabbit (minus the rabbit that died a couple of months ago), and a dog in a tiny one bedroom apartment, with a girl who's not overly concerned with cleaning, isn't going to smell like a meadow.

Once back from the walk I dug out my cleaning supplies and got to work. The tiny kitchen itself took hours. Around seven o'clock I called for pizza delivery and pulled a cat off the counter top dishwasher that I'd just scrubbed. In the bathroom I cleaned around cats that slid from the sink to the tub with reptilian stealth. They then proceeded to hide behind the shower curtain where I think they hold kitty cat caucuses. I learned which cats love each other (the one's in the bathtub) and which cats hate each other (the one's who fought).

I can't and won't go into gory details but I'm astonished that this new roommate actually came over, looked at the apartment, and agreed to move in.

She's very sweet, and college educated, which leads me to believe she's in the witness protection program, on the lam from the law, or just plain crazy, and we'll probably learn she holds animal sacrifices every full moon and has hit the jackpot with Vet Tech Girl!

I'm going back on Wednesday for round two and I've been promised that the rabbit is going to a new home.

He'll hopefully go down that hole I went down today.

I just hope he doesn't come back!!!

Here's my little man looking so fierce with his restrainer.

He had such a good time except one little dog called him all kinds of names! Duncan was a gentleman and kept right on going and never once barked at the rotten little provoker!

And with his best friend.



Even Duncan thought this was funny!!!

Two completed bags out of the way!

My mother made my niece's Easter dress and when I saw that she had leftover fabric, I offered to make a purse.

You can't really see here but it's a pretty shade of lavender. The dress is made from crepe backed satin and overlayed with organza.

Nothing you'll ever see me do.

I used Pink Penguin's Puffy Purse tutorial again. I also alternated my fabric pieces by adding a layer of organza over every other strip.


I also used a metal measuring tape (cut to size) in the top closure of the bag. I was surprised at how well it worked, and I found the info for this at Freebies for Crafters.





Here's another evening bag using Orla Kiely tea towels. I liked the turquoise color and it matches a pair of capri pants that I own.

It looks a little boxy in this picture.

A patch pocket inside, and a magnetic snap closure.

The hard bottom.

Chlorox loves the new purse and is perhaps envisioning herself out on the town with it.

So I'll leave it at that. The Oscars are on and I'm trying to stay awake for the whole thing!

I survived my 50th but revenge will be sweet!

This is what was waiting for me at my mother's house when I arrived for my birthday.

My favorite chocolate roll cake with a cream filled center, and she only had a day's notice to make it.

I'm just thankful she didn't make me her infamous coffin shaped cake.

My wonderful sister (insert sarcasm here) always leaves my birthday present at my mother's house at Christmas time so when my birthday rolls around I can open it in front of my mom and dad. This is because she lives far away and can't be here with us.

Anyway, I opened my card and was immediately assaulted with the phrase HAPPY 60TH. I felt my face go hot (and believe me, at my age I don't need any help with that) and then I opened it. She had written, "You don't look a day older."

"What a bitch!" I yelled, and even my dad who's hard of hearing heard me.

I showed it to him and after studying it he innocently asked, "Do you think she just picked up the wrong card?" She always was his favorite!

"She most certainly did not!!!" I was furious and Dad laughed.

Grrrrr! If she didn't live half way across the state...

But that's ok, she's five years older than me and oh my, will I ever make her pay!!!


When I walked into my parents' house this little (really hugely overweight) lady greeted me. My parents are dog sitting for neighbors who are vacationing in Florida. They got her from a shelter and you couldn't ask for a sweeter or more polite dog. I never lacked for doggie kisses while I was there and was pretty soggy by the time I left.
But that's ok!


Kissie Pooh, the cowardly doberman is actually friends with her neighbor but since Kissy Pooh doesn't like me (I call myself the wicked step sister), she didn't hang around. She went into the living room and sulked.
That was ok with me too.






Then I went to visit Baby Girl.


Here she is with her roommate's Burmese Mountain Dog puppy.

Ella is very sweet but has gas issues.

Ella is the dog.



















And Evvy is still Evil.


Here she is chewing snow.









Evvy thinks she's a dog, and Ellie loves Evvy so the two of them wrestle all day long.

Ella, however, has wearied of getting her face smacked with sharp kitty claws and has come up with a new defense.

Here it is.

This morning Hans couldn't wait to show me what was awaiting us on the kitchen floor. "Look at that!" he pointed with a flourish.

It was my birthday cake! My chocolate roll cake! My most favorite cake in the world! And apparently Chlorox's too! I should have known better because the last time I brought one home I found the plastic wrap pulled back ever so slightly and the creamy center gone!

I mistakenly blamed Hans and I guess he remembers.

So now in addition to my sister, I have a cat to get even with.

That ought to keep me busy.

Updates: Sewing, and Life

I did cut out two purses today.

One of them will be out of these. These being two place mats and you wouldn't believe the finagling I had to go through to get all my pieces to fit! Wow.









The other purse will be from these tea towels.

Luckily there was more fabric to work with and I didn't have to turn myself inside out with this one.

Baby Girl has a turquoise and brown dress and I'm hoping she'll like one of these.

But I'm not counting on it.




So tomorrow I head back to my little swamp town because:

#1 I have some business back there that needs to be tended to.

#2 Baby Girl wants me to take her to lunch.

#3 I'm going to my parents' house to celebrate my birthday. My 50th birthday.

I could probably fill a thousand pages about why this birthday is bothering me. But I'm not going to.

Like Hans said, "The alternative could be a hell of a lot worse."

And he's right!