The Conversation.

If one were to eavesdrop in our little apartment here in The Big City....

Me: Oh My God, To Kill a Mockingbird is on and it's one of my favorite movies, is it okay if we watch it?

Hans (intent on an Internet poker game): Uh-huh.

20 minutes later.

Me (all misty eyed): God, I love this movie and just look at Gregory Peck, isn't he wonderful?

Hans: Uh-huh. I can't believe this! Some bozo has put me all in and he has to know I have the winning hand.

Me: Did you ever see this movie?

Hans: What movie?

Me: To Kill a Mockingbird!!!!

Hans: Oh yeah.

Me (during the courtroom scene): Did you see that??? Did you see that??? Imagine treating people that way!!

Hans: Uh-huh.

Me: Did you ever read the book? I must have read it a million times.

Hans: Uh-huh. What's on now?

Me: TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD!!!!!!

Hans: It's still on?

Me: Hans!!! Where the hell have you been?

Hans: Well, I'm kind of involved in this poker game.

A few minutes later.

Me (jumping up from the futon): Oh shit! I forgot to pack a lunch for work tomorrow and we don't have anything to eat in the apartment!

Hans: Uh-huh. Oh, C'mon!!! Who goes all in with a three and ten unsuited?

Me (rooting through the refrigerator): Hey, here's the turkey breast you couldn't find this morning for your lunch!! Ha-Ha! I'm going to use it for a turkey, salami, and cheese sandwich for my lunch tomorrow!

Hans: You found the turkey breast? Can I have a piece of cheese?

Me (with a mouthful of the turkey breast that in my opinion smells funny): Yeah, but it smells funny, do you think it's ok?

Hans: It's fine.

Me (on the verge of swallowing the funny turkey breast): You think it's ok?

Hans: Sure, cheese doesn't go bad.

Me (shouting around half swallowed turkey breast): I'm talking about the turkey breast!

Hans: Oh, I wouldn't trust the turkey breast.

Me (spitting out what I hadn't swallowed): Hans! What the hell do you think I'm talking about?

Hans: The cheese.

Me: Oh God, I hope I don't get food poisoning! I have to work tomorrow!! I hope I've drank enough bourbon to kill the germs.

Hans (with a thoughtful look at his can of beer): Does alcohol kill germs? Because I never get sick.

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Back to the living room.

Me: Here's the part where Boo Radley comes out of nowhere and stabs the bastard that was after Gregory Peck's kids!

Hans: What are we watching now?

Me: OH MY GOD!!!! TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD!!!

Hans: It's still on? Because I don't remember this part.


And folks, you've just been treated to a typical evening in our little apartment here in The Big City.

And this happens pretty much every night.


Imagine how much fun we'll be in the nursing home.