Communicating whilst one is away

How on earth did people travel abroad before the advent of cell phones or laptops.

Honest to God, we've been emailed, texted, and called ever since we left home, and only a few were actually necessary or relevant. I myself warned my kids that they were only allowed to call (or text) us in the event of an emergency. Emails were ok but they also had to understand I might not get them for a day or so.

This is what's gone on so far this trip.

An email from Vet Tech Girl (who's caring for Wilbur): Wilbur threw up. He's probably excited about playing with Duncan. I'll clean it up.

An email from Baby Girl: Evi is very sick and at the hospital. So far the bill is $400.00. (Note: Baby Girl spells her cat's name Evi after Evgeny Malkin, a hockey player. I call the cat Evvy or Evelyn just to piss Baby Girl off). Hans wants to know what the hell kind of services cost $400.00. I tell him not to ask.

I zip off a quick email to Vet Tech Girl: Hans was talking to Nasty Neighbor the morning we were leaving and he warned us that he has poison all over his property because of raccoons. He also said he had to have his dog put to sleep because too many people in the neighborhood have gotten dogs (you know he meant us!) and his dog couldn't handle the stress!

Vet Tech Girl emails back that Wilbur is fine, Neighbor is an asshole, and she's sure that her roommate's dog Molly (who is a spoiled ankle biting screamer) is the one that upset poor Butterscotch the now dead dog! Also Duncan and Miley (Duncan's squeeze, a pretty little daschund) love Wilbur's big beef bone. They've left bone chips all over the place. She will clean it up.

I email Vet Tech Girl and warn her that Wilbur is only allowed to chew the beef bone on his pad.

Vet Tech Girl replies: He keeps it on the pad but Duncan and Miley don't. I'll clean up it up.

Baby Girl emails that her old boyfriend/stalker is going to put new brakes, rotors, wiper blades, and a headlight on our car in order to help it pass inspection, and am I willing to pay for it.

My answer: Only if he knows what he's doing and why on earth are you talking to him???

Last Friday Hans received two texts at the same time. One said, "We're at Evi's" and the next one said, "Evi died this morning."
Now here is a bit of a coincidence. You see, Hans' Aunt Eva goes by a nickname pronounced as Ayfee but is spelled Evi. Baby Girl's cat's name is spelled Evi so poor Hans almost had to sit down when Baby Girl deemed the death of Evi the Cat as Text worthy as opposed to Email worthy and sent her message at the same time Hans' Baby Brother sent his text as he wanted us to know he'd arrived at Aunt Evi's house.

I'm the only one who found this to be morbidly funny.

I did get a follow up email that an autopsy on Evi the Cat is being performed. I told Hans not to worry when he asked if autopsies are free.

A recent email from Vet Tech Girl went like this: What the hell have you been feeding Wilbur? He has the shits! I told you only 10% of his diet should be liver and you've got it at about 50%!!! I'll clean up the mess. BTW his beef bone is really starting to stink!! Signed, your loving daughter.

From me to Vet Tech Girl: Dear rotten ungrateful daughter, Wilbur never had the shits until you started watching him! Put the bone outside.

From Vet Tech Girl: Oops I have no idea how Wilbur got a hold of one of your sandals but I don't think anyone will notice the heel. I threw it in your bedroom. Sorry.

Me to Vet Tech Girl: I woke up this morning here in Germany and could have sworn Chlorox was walking on me (sometimes I get these premonitions). Would you please make sure she's still alive.

Vet Tech Girl to me: She's been screaming her head off, she's fine.

Vet Tech Girl again: Wilbur is a naughty boy. He thinks he's allowed to see what's on the counters. BTW, I've been diagnosed as bipolar and listed you as my emergency contact.

Me to Vet Tech Girl: When the hell did Wilbur get tall enough to counter surf?

Hans was concerned about the bipolar business. What did they call it before they had a name for it, he wanted to know. They called it being a bitch, was my reply and I'll deal with that nonsense when I get home.

I have to say though that this email is my favorite. It had no text, just this picture. That's Duncan, Wilbur, and the little lady on the bottom is Duncan's woman Miley. I only wish she hadn't used her flash as they all look possessed!

Years ago my best friend went on vacation to Aruba with her boyfriend. She told her kids that under no circumstances were they to call her. Even if they broke a leg, "It would be set before I could even get home anyway, SO DON'T YOU DARE CALL!"

I remember being very shocked and thought she was being callous but I have to say after this trip I'm in total agreement with her!!!

It's official, I'm a ROAR Squad member!

Normally I'm not a 'joiner' (although there was that time down in Mt. Airy, North Carolina when I was at Mayberry Days and became part of a fan club. Baby Girl got confused and told her teachers that I joined a cult! I kid you not!), but I so wanted to jump on the ROAR Squad band wagon, and I did!

Shauna over at Fido and Wino has taken on a huge task.

She's the creator of the Roar Squad, and her dream is to put puppy mills out of business and make adopting pets from shelters a cool thing to do!!!

If you want to feel all kinds of warm fuzzies, you really should go check her out. And if you know anyone who's looking for a pet of any kind, send them to her blog so they can see for themselves how adopting a 'cast away' could possibly be one of the most rewarding decisions they ever make!

And even if you aren't in the market for a pet, you should read her blog anyway as she's very witty and fun.

We went to my mom's today for Mother's Day and gave her the (used to be full) hanging flower basket that Wilbur the Future Florist ever so kindly pruned. We had a very nice afternoon and even managed to stay for dinner.



Now here's something I never expected to see. Chlorox and Wilbur, not only in the same room together, but on the futon together!! It's kind of like seeing the lion lie down with the lamb.

Or even more unlikely, how about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (or Mr. Imadinnerjacket, to us) and Isaac Mizrahi sitting down to discuss fashion together!

Now wouldn't that be something!!!!!!!

The clock is ticking!!!

I can't believe the family wedding is almost here! We leave for Germany next Wednesday and I still have to hem my dress!

But at least it appears to be acceptable and all I have to do is hem it.

I went out to my parents' house last weekend so my mother could pin it up for me. That poor woman had to lie on the floor for I bet a half hour getting it to just the right length.

Luckily Wilbur was a good boy and spent hours chewing on Kissy Pooh's collection of marrow bones. Kissy Pooh, on the other hand, was a very ungracious hostess and shunned any attempts on his part to become friends.

She sulked upstairs, downstairs, and on the porch. And finally the time came when Wilbur, with tail wagging madly, tried to play with Kissie Pooh and she lunged at him in a very nasty way and sent him running with his tail between his legs.

I swear I saw my dad smirk but I'll let it go.





This is Wilbur after spending hours chewing on the big juicy bone we bought for him on Sunday.

He was beyond exhausted.


Actually he's just about the most relaxed dog I've ever met. He's sleeping beside me right now, and all I have to do is pick up his head, give him tons of big smoochy kisses, and he never wakes up!!!

But he's very needy and doesn't want us out of his sight. Luckily while we're gone, Vet Tech Girl will be taking care of him and he adores her.

I'll try not to worry too much while we're gone.


Chlorox is coming along much better than I expected. She's made several forays from the bedroom to the kitchen and thank God Wilbur, while curious, gives her her space. I spent hours this morning elbow deep, grinding raw chicken thighs (with bones), livers, and hearts and gizzards. Wilbur is on a raw diet and while it's actually very cheap it's a bit time consuming. Anyway Chlorox made several appearances all the while sneering at Wilbur, who would really like nothing more than a good cuddle with her!!!






Here is Chlorox on our bed, and it's the only place Wilbur is not allowed.









I call this shot: Camouflage.

A small amount of sewing and a BIG announcement

My evening gown is pretty much done except for the hemming (which I hate doing!). I actually put off inserting the invisible zipper for about four days because I was just sure I would either ruin it or I would find that the fit was wrong.

Well, it went in beautifully and the fit is pretty good. I'll post pictures after it's hemmed.

Now my Big News.

It seems that Hans and I are moving onto our boat this summer. Our goal, when we bought our Knotty Cat, was that we would eventually live on board but we just weren't sure about the timing. Hans has decided the time is now.

I'm still trying to get used to the whole thing and we have a lot to do to get ready. We've decided to keep our apartment for at least the first three months just in case one or both of us decide that this was one crazy idea! But why would anyone think this is a crazy idea?

This was last month when we went down to Annapolis to remove her winter shrink wrap. It's an expensive procedure but it was certainly the winter to have it done. Can you imagine fifty or so inches of snow sitting on top of your boat? I read about some boats sinking in their slips due this problem.

Hans is peeking out of the hole we cut through so we could get aboard.

This is what she looks like without her winter coat.

We have a small TV on board and we use a digital converter to access channels.

We normally use 'bunny ears' for reception but they've disappeared. Neither of us can remember what the hell we did with them but Hans McGuyver came up with this.

It looks like a still (wouldn't that be great?) or a strange science experiment but it's just a piece of cable (with the 'pin' in the center of the connection) taped to a metal piece on the converter. With the cable propped up on these water jugs we got great reception!

Here we are in the fall of last year.

We plan on heading north this June. I've always wanted to see Cape Cod, Nantucket, etc... and I recently bought 'Of Whales and Women' written by Frank Gilbreth (author of Cheaper by the Dozen). The Gilbreth's vacationed on Nantucket every summer (and if you ever read his books you know they lived in two lighthouses, now long gone) and Frank's descriptions and humor are wonderful.

He also wrote 'Innside Nantucket' (yes I have that one too!) and it's a humorous account of his brother and sister-in-law's attempt at running a bed and breakfast back in the 50's. The Inn has changed hands and is still in operation. I found it here.

This was Chlorox's reaction when we told her she'd be living on a boat.

We can't leave her behind and she's far too attached to me to even try to live with someone else.

This is Chlorox's 'contemplative' look.

She plans on writing a book about her adventures and she's going to use this picture on her book jacket.

Finally back home and sewing! With a little help from a friend.

I got home from Florida on Thursday (only to find Hans hadn't done a lick of laundry including his two weeks worth of his travel clothes, didn't scoop kitty poop etc... so guess how I spent my Friday!) and on Saturday we took off to Maryland in order to get our boat ready for the season.

I could post a thousand words about getting our Knotty Cat commissioned but I'll save that for a future sailing blog.

We got back yesterday and today I was finally able to get started on the formal gown I'm to wear to the Wedding of the Century this May in Germany.

I constructed the bodice out of muslin using a size 10 and the fit was just right. I then ripped the whole thing apart because I plan on re-using the muslin pieces as the 'inner lining' on the dress. This went very quickly because I got smart and cut these pieces out on the ironing board as the Countess von Chlorox usually interferes in all things 'sewing related'.

But cutting out the actual dress was a whole different story.

The Countess had fallen asleep on our bed and I was like, "YES!" the baby is asleep and I can finally get something done!!!

I had just spread 4 or more yards of fabric on the floor and was laying out the pattern when I heard the ominous thump that told me The Countess was awake and on her way.

Damn!

This floor length gown has to be cut on the bias and I had less than the minimal amount of fabric needed to make it.

Chlorox bathed, preened, wiggled, pranced, and slept on nearly every inch of this fabric as I tried to cut it out, but I didn't have the guts to lock her up (she screams like a banshee). It took much longer than necessary but the dress is now ready to be sewn and I hope to get started on it tomorrow.

I only wish she really knew how to sew, imagine what a help she could be!

Two completed bags out of the way!

My mother made my niece's Easter dress and when I saw that she had leftover fabric, I offered to make a purse.

You can't really see here but it's a pretty shade of lavender. The dress is made from crepe backed satin and overlayed with organza.

Nothing you'll ever see me do.

I used Pink Penguin's Puffy Purse tutorial again. I also alternated my fabric pieces by adding a layer of organza over every other strip.


I also used a metal measuring tape (cut to size) in the top closure of the bag. I was surprised at how well it worked, and I found the info for this at Freebies for Crafters.





Here's another evening bag using Orla Kiely tea towels. I liked the turquoise color and it matches a pair of capri pants that I own.

It looks a little boxy in this picture.

A patch pocket inside, and a magnetic snap closure.

The hard bottom.

Chlorox loves the new purse and is perhaps envisioning herself out on the town with it.

So I'll leave it at that. The Oscars are on and I'm trying to stay awake for the whole thing!

I survived my 50th but revenge will be sweet!

This is what was waiting for me at my mother's house when I arrived for my birthday.

My favorite chocolate roll cake with a cream filled center, and she only had a day's notice to make it.

I'm just thankful she didn't make me her infamous coffin shaped cake.

My wonderful sister (insert sarcasm here) always leaves my birthday present at my mother's house at Christmas time so when my birthday rolls around I can open it in front of my mom and dad. This is because she lives far away and can't be here with us.

Anyway, I opened my card and was immediately assaulted with the phrase HAPPY 60TH. I felt my face go hot (and believe me, at my age I don't need any help with that) and then I opened it. She had written, "You don't look a day older."

"What a bitch!" I yelled, and even my dad who's hard of hearing heard me.

I showed it to him and after studying it he innocently asked, "Do you think she just picked up the wrong card?" She always was his favorite!

"She most certainly did not!!!" I was furious and Dad laughed.

Grrrrr! If she didn't live half way across the state...

But that's ok, she's five years older than me and oh my, will I ever make her pay!!!


When I walked into my parents' house this little (really hugely overweight) lady greeted me. My parents are dog sitting for neighbors who are vacationing in Florida. They got her from a shelter and you couldn't ask for a sweeter or more polite dog. I never lacked for doggie kisses while I was there and was pretty soggy by the time I left.
But that's ok!


Kissie Pooh, the cowardly doberman is actually friends with her neighbor but since Kissy Pooh doesn't like me (I call myself the wicked step sister), she didn't hang around. She went into the living room and sulked.
That was ok with me too.






Then I went to visit Baby Girl.


Here she is with her roommate's Burmese Mountain Dog puppy.

Ella is very sweet but has gas issues.

Ella is the dog.



















And Evvy is still Evil.


Here she is chewing snow.









Evvy thinks she's a dog, and Ellie loves Evvy so the two of them wrestle all day long.

Ella, however, has wearied of getting her face smacked with sharp kitty claws and has come up with a new defense.

Here it is.

This morning Hans couldn't wait to show me what was awaiting us on the kitchen floor. "Look at that!" he pointed with a flourish.

It was my birthday cake! My chocolate roll cake! My most favorite cake in the world! And apparently Chlorox's too! I should have known better because the last time I brought one home I found the plastic wrap pulled back ever so slightly and the creamy center gone!

I mistakenly blamed Hans and I guess he remembers.

So now in addition to my sister, I have a cat to get even with.

That ought to keep me busy.

Here's to the US Hockey Team!!!! We Want Gold!!

I think I finally resolved my blogger issues from last night. When will I learn not to mess with my layout and settings while holding a glass full of bourbon! My pictures now look like pictures and not code!

Oh, it's getting tense in our little apartment here in The Big City! That's because the U.S is getting ready to kick some Canadian butt in the Olympic Hockey Gold Medal Game.

You see, I'm still upset that the Canadian Girl's Hockey Team made our U.S. Girl's Hockey Team cry when they took the Gold and left us with the Silver.


Hans however being the German Born Green Card Carrying Canadian Citizen that he is, is quietly rooting for Canada.


Quietly (or else!).





The animules are very excited and now that curling is over they held their own hockey game.



In goal waaay over on the far left is the draft horse, and on the far right, one of the lions.








Sweden was the right winger.













And Beaver was the defense man. Just try to get past those teeth!

I love the Beaver and imitate him all the time (I used to have Buck Teeth in high school. Not fun!).












Look how focused the coach is. She's warning the spectators that she won't put up with any nonsense!




















Now she can finally concentrate on the game.




So I'm off to put duct tape across Hans' mouth and watch the game.


Go U S A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One must look one's best, especially on Hi-Def!

A tiny little purse, Olympic curling in my apartment, and a cold kitty.

Over at Freebies for Crafters I found a tutorial from Pink Penquin (check out her blog!) for a Puffy Purse.


Gee, that looks easy, I thought and then I proceeded to do my own thing and ended up making a complete mess of it! It's like I just can't leave well enough alone and purposely set my self up for failure! Anyway, in addition to using fabric a bit heavier than called for, I also added fusible batting. This along with 1/4 inch seam allowances set me right up for failure.

It was so bad I didn't even take any pictures of it, and tossed it straight into the trash. But I just had to prove that I could put together this simple little purse so I had another go at it. I dug out a couple of red napkins for my fabric and this time I didn't add any stabilizers to the body of the bag. Alright, I do admit that I added batting to the lining so it wouldn't be too floppy. I also added sewable boning inside the top closure to keep it stiff. Last but not least I sewed a tab with a D ring near the top so that I could add a detachable strap and it now becomes a wristlet.



So here is my keepable version of the Puffy Purse (wouldn't it have been perfect for Valentine's Day!).
Hans looked it over and then remarked that it matches the prostitute dress he bought me for Christmas two years ago.

It wasn't literally a prostitute dress (and is there really such a thing?) but it was red satin and I looked just like an old hooker in it.

I think I'll find something else to wear when carrying this.


A close up of the side with the D ring and strap.

Today our little friends got caught up in the Olympic frenzy and decided to hold a curling competition on our bed.

I couldn't help but notice that their coach (up by the headboard) was asleep on the job!

The Countess von Chlorox feels a bit cheated. By no choice of her own, she was moved from a comfortable home in the suburbs and found herself in a tiny apartment in the Big City with only this lousy heat vent as a sorry substitute for the roaring fire place that was left behind.

Adding insult to injury are my clunky 'outside shoes'; they are totally in her way!

In this old picture, the Countess is the melted mass closest to the fireplace. Behind her is my dearly departed Beast (whom I once caught wearing one of my skirts, and died far too early at the age of 6).


We are getting hit with yet one more nasty winter storm here in our Big City and I'm feeling a bit betrayed (just like the Countess) as I was promised a much warmer climate than the one I left behind!!!



Men!!

Enough with the snow already! And yet one more purse.

I was under the impression that I'd retired my 'Snow Shovel Queen' sash when I moved south last year. But due to popular demand it's been dusted off and put back into duty. I know I should be honored but I'd really rather be done with the whole thing and just rest on my laurels (and butt)!

Since we'd been warned about the next storm (raging outside at this very moment) Hans and I went to the grocery store today and for the first time in either of our lives we saw a lot of bare shelves.

It's a very unsettling feeling.


So onto a safer subject.


Yet one more evening bag (I'm not sure why I feel the need to make so many bags from this one pattern! I guess I just like it). Instead of two handles, I made a strap. The flap on the front is one of the pattern variations.

I used a linen napkin for the body of the purse (it's from the same batch of napkins I used to make the second bag at this post). The flap, straps, and bottom are from a woven curtain panel I found at The Good Will.



It has a magnetic snap on the inside and there's supposed to be one on the flap but my snaps are very strong and I would have been yanking too hard all the time in an effort to lift it.

I just added a heavy decorative button instead and the weight of it holds the flap in place nicely.






















This is the original bottom but I didn't like it so I had to rip the whole thing apart.

Here it is with a new plaid bottom and I thought since I'd added antique bronze D-rings to the strap I may as well follow up with bronze purse feet.

Some residual Super Bowl fun.

Here's Chlorox enjoying (NOT!) my glow in the dark bracelet in the form of a necklace.

Oh, look!!! Her eyes glow too!

Such a pretty kitty.

A re-purpose project, a cat, and a plea.

One of the women I clean for asked if I could please refashion the bumper pads from her daughter's crib into a bench seat cover.



Sure! No problem.



It wasn't, but I seriously underestimated the time involved.

It took a whole evening to rip out all the seams and yank the pink ties off.



Then I sewed everything back together (with a little help from my friend).

I was able to pull the batting apart thus spreading it into one big sheet. I did this to two of the pads and then laid one top of the other. This kept the pad nice and thick. I didn't want to butt the narrow pads together because I figured they would shift and separate over time.







Here is the striped side of the new cushion.









And the cutesy side.




















Aha! Guess who appeared out of nowhere and flung herself onto the finished product!





Those pink bows were a an absolute pain in the butt to make. I cut 1 inch strips from the pink ties that came with the pads, stitched the long edge and then spent an eternity turning them right side out. They were then tied into bows and sewn onto the pad.








I positively guarantee you that if I made a cushion for Chlorox she would totally ignore it.



But since this isn't for her...

I'm not sure how well you can see this but there are 8 yo-yos (sp?) sewn onto this side. Once again I ripped those pink ties apart and spent yet one more night making the stupid things.









You can see them a little bit better here.

This cat is such a huge part of my life, it's a little scary. I've had her for 13 years now so I think she's around 14 or so. And what's even worse is she's the closest thing to a female friend that I have!
I kid you not!




Now for my plea. Michael Vick has recently been nominated by the Philadelphia Eagles to receive an award for courage.
I personally don't think anyone, who willingly participated in torturing innocent animals (and so many of them are still being rehabilitated), is worthy of receiving any kind of award let alone one for courage. I could say tons more about this but I'll stop here.
I signed a petition protesting this award and you can too if you want. I found it here at One Pibble's Wish.
I would like to think our opinion really counts.

A finished bag, and a sneaky cat.

After breakfast today, I finished my Belle Bag (mentioned in yesterday's post). It's made from three Orla Kiely tea towels. Apparently Orla Kiely was the rage last year and somehow, I got swept up into the madness.

Actually I had no idea who the hell Orla Kiely was (if indeed Orla is/was a person) but I had just seen this particular print on someone's blog the day I walked into Target and saw these towels on a clearance rack.

So I bought them.

Talk about gullible! It's not like I even found them appealing, but if everyone else had to have them...

This bag closes with two magnetic snaps. One set is in the tab that pulls the sides in.

The other set is in the facing, as seen here.

Hans came home from his get-away ski weekend, and upon observing my latest creation, promptly asked me if it's a Halloween bag. I wasn't too surprised as it certainly does have a pumpkin look to it (I wonder if he would have asked me this if he knew I spent the previous evening watching the Crime Channel's presentation of 'Women Who Kill'?).

I do have a couple of pretty orange sweaters I could wear when carrying this, but if I only use it during October that's fine with me.

It's not like I don't have enough purses the rest of the year.

But really, I just like fun things! Life and purses don't have to be serious.

The handles are boning covered with left over fabric from a messenger bag I made for Baby Girl a year or so ago.

I use two folding card tables covered with a shower curtain, as my cutting table. Hiding underneath the curtain are three big plastic tubs full of fabric and supplies.

Last night when I realized I needed handles for this particular purse I yanked the curtain aside and found this.

Chlorox's latest hiding place!

A very bad cat caught lying on top of a whole container of fabric.

So busted!!!!

The big escape!