The Saints Came Marching In and Stay Tuned for Round Two!

I have to admit that since 'How 'bout Them Stillers' weren't in the running this year, I was pulling for The Saints because I just love rooting for the underdog (and Peyton Manning was a very gracious loser!).

So anyway, after the big snow (or Snowmageddon as it's being called) and all the shoveling I did on Saturday, I awoke on Sunday to... well let's just say that I'm not sure I'm glad I awoke!

I hurt that badly.

And I felt like such a wimp.

Before my move here to the Big City it was nothing to find myself shoveling out my driveway at any given moment and sometimes even twice a day.

But now I live here. They aren't supposed to get this kind of snow here.

Mother Nature is a bitch and my shoveling muscles deserted me sometime in November.

After a breakfast of prescription strength Ibuprofen I cut out a purse and then took a nap. Every muscle in my neck, back, and arms were screaming. I almost took Hans up on his offer to stay home and not go to our friend's house to watch the Super Bowl but I didn't want to be a party pooper.

And after we got to the party (they actually had a friend shuttling people from a church parking lot to their house because the snow left their street with only one lane) I felt like a heel because everyone there had shoveled snow, and some of these people were older than me!

It was around half time, and after we'd eaten tons of great food, and sang Happy Birthday to three people (the youngest being 50!), and I was trying to fasten my glow-in-the-dark bracelet to my wrist, that the hostess broke out the drugs.

And everyone was clamoring for their fair share.

I very primly refused, but only because I'd brought my own (in the form of Ibuprofen).

"Are you sure?" Elaine asked, and she shook the bottle in my face for emphasis.

"I'm fine." I smiled and watched as she moved on.

"Does anyone else need some Aleve?" she shouted. "Who all shoveled today?"

I'm just hoping there was enough to go around!

And now our fabulous SEVERE WEATHER FORECAST TEAM who never have anything to report are almost wetting their panties because another snow storm is supposed to dump an additional ten inches of snow on us tomorrow.

I'll be sure to show Hans where the shovel is!

It was a wonderful winter wonderland for about 10 seconds...

...and then reality set in when it came time to shovel it!

Dear God!! Hans lured me away from my swamp town where I lived in a Snowbelt and held down two jobs, and promised me a part time job in a mild climate.

Just call me a sucker!

Because today I shoveled more snow at one time than I ever have in 49 and 11/12 years!

This is the view of our tiny deck from our bedroom window.

This is a car across the street.

This is what these houses look like in the summer.

Remember this?

Here they were today.

Our lovely backyard railroad tracks in the good old summertime.

The same view last night at around 1:00 AM. That's our car on the left and our SUV on the right (see how much more snow is on them in the next picture about 8 hours later).

I was very happy to hear Vet Tech Girl slam into her apartment below us right about the time I took this picture as she'd been out all evening long with a friend.

A friend who just got a job and wanted to buy a futon at Ikea (Ikea being very far away from Vet Tech Girl's apartment).

A friend who, during this nasty storm, sideswiped a cop car while on the way to Ikea.

A friend who got screamed at by the cop whose car they hit while on their way to Ikea.

A friend whose car wasn't current with inspection.

A friend whose gas tank was on empty.

A friend who never got to Ikea and took hours to get Vet Tech Girl home because almost all the roads were closed and traffic was at a standstill.

Vet Tech Girl tells me she kissed her carpet when she got home. Considering the menagerie she has living with her this says alot!

Here is our car (you can barely see it to the left) and our SUV this morning.

Quite a bit of snow fell overnight. Like about two feet!

I waded through thigh high snow just to get to our vehicles and I almost didn't even try to shovel as there was absolutely nowhere to throw it. But I also knew if I didn't try we could be a week getting out of here. After a couple of hours the neighbor guy showed up and joined me. Hans came out and cleared the car and SUV (and threw snowballs at me which didn't please me a bit!).

I never got near Vet Tech Girl's car and hoped she didn't need to go to work today.

She did. One of the vets called and said, "You're coming in to work today so you better start shoveling right now." So Vet Tech Girl got out there and cleared her car but it kind of pissed me off because she never misses work. What if the neighbor hadn't joined us in our shoveling? And even after all that, we still had to push her out of her spot so she could get up the driveway. Not in a million years could she have done that on her own.

I wanted to spend my cosy snowy day sewing.

But my shoulders feel like someone threw sand in my joints.

My lower back is having spasms.

I'm limping.

But we were lucky, we never lost power, and our Internet was only out for an hour or so (although Hans nearly hyperventilated!), and we were smart enough to hit the grocery store and also stock up at liquor land yesterday!!

Tomorrow is the Superbowl and we're headed off to a friend's house to watch it. I should be okay as long as it doesn't require any physical action on my part.

Table dancing is no longer part of my repertoire!

A finished purse (finally) and a great etsy buy!!!

Here's a little girl's purse made from Nicole Mallalieu's Evening Bag Pattern.

I made the big pink flower from a tutorial I found at this great site.

I centered it like this, sewed it in place, and asked Hans for his opinion.

"Does it have to be symmetrical?" he asked (a very dangerous thing to do at this time of the month I might add!!!).

"NOW THAT IT'S BEEN HAND SEWN IN PLACE, YES!" I calmly answered.

But since Hans is my decorating/fashion guru I ripped the damn flower off and repositioned it.

Here it is pinned (I wasn't stupid enough to sew it) to the bottom.

"Too much going on in that area with the print." said the guru.

In an upper corner.

"Aha! Just right! " exclaimed Hans, and I finally let him get back to his poker game.

A stripey bottom.

A slightly lopsided side view.

I used multi-colored ricrac on the handles and while I'm not really crazy with the look it's too late now.

Check out the bee! Is it cute or what?

I did have moment of concern though since this is for a very little girl. What if she's afraid of bees?

On to my fabulous Etsy purchase.

I mentioned the Freebies For Crafters site earlier. It's where I found the flower tutorial. There was also a tutorial on how to make pendants from Scrabble tiles.

Sure! Why not, I thought.

Then I looked at the supplies needed and what was involved and I knew it just wasn't going to happen.

But I have to say that it's pretty nice of this Etsy company to tell us how they make their product.

These are from HomeStudio.
I ordered 3 chains (one for each of my daughters and one for me) and they are really nice.

Joy and the letter B are for Baby Girl. The sea otter is for Vet Tech Girl, and the Eiffel Tower, and sand dollar are mine.

Here's a coincidence.

The back of the Eiffel Tower is the letter L. Since my name is Laura this one can do double duty!

And might I add; no way could I have made these myself and have them come out half as nice!

I'm also seeing these as zipper pulls for purses etc...

This is the snake chain and it has a wonderful slippery feel to it. The length is also adjustable.

They even came with three pretty little draw string bags and here's Chlorox checking things out.

Last but not least; I live on the East Coast, I ordered these on the first of the month and they arrived all the way from California on the fifth.

Is that service or what?!

There are so many choices of pendants and you can bet I'll be ordering more of these in the future (I wore my Eiffel Tower all day!!!).

Go ahead and check them out!!!

"What a world, what a world!"

Anyone recognize that quote?


It's been one of those days.

It started when I woke up in an absolute sweat after what seemed like an all night long dream about being in labor. In my dream I was all of a sudden 9 months pregnant, in labor, and belatedly realized that I hadn't been to the doctor for any prenatal checkups.

Smooth move for an almost 50 year old woman.

I also walked through the snow in bare feet to the car in order for Hans to take me to the hospital.

Hans told me my ex husband had better pay for half of my doctor bill (??!!).

At the hospital there were nurses everywhere but they were all sitting around and doing nothing (where the hell did that come from, because in my opinion nurses are overworked and underpaid!).

The only way I could get comfortable was to get on my hands and knees on the cold hospital floor and breath deeply.

When I asked if I couldn't please have a bed, one of the nurses brought me a blanket.

My contractions stopped and I went home.

I wondered if I was ever going to have this baby.



Then I woke up.

With cramps so bad it felt like a chain saw was roaring through my lower back!

Why can't I find a doctor who will rip out my uterus?


Anyway, since there was no way I could go to the gym (tomorrow will be a 'no go' too but I'll leave out the gruesome details) I zipped off to the grocery store and got into a fight.

I was in the middle of the store and I could feel my face turn red when I actually resorted to kicking and swearing.

I bet that shopping cart rues the day it tangled with me because I'm on to the old "my front wheel is frozen" routine and I just wasn't putting up with it today!



Baby Girl called and is under the impression I should attend spring break with her and her college lacrosse team.

My son (who is 26) called and said Baby Girl told him I'm going on spring break, and if I go, he'll go as he needs to use up some vacation time before April.

I've never been on spring break and I'm not sure it's a real good idea.


My mother called to let me know her neighbor (and very dear friend), and someone I used to baby sit for, died during the night and Mom found out about it at a township meeting this morning. What really has me pissed is this woman's children hadn't notified a soul of her death, and her own grandchildren didn't know she was gone but by God the township knew! I think someone at the hospital has a big mouth and I'm calling Mom back tomorrow and putting her on the trail (so there!)!

I tried to work on a purse for a little girl and sewed the facing in upside down.

I fixed that problem, installed the handles, and realized they looked like sh*t.

They've been ripped out and maybe I'll fix them tomorrow.

Hans went to 'band practice' tonight. Way back in the day he played keyboard in a punk rock band and now a friend of his has a strong desire to play music IN A BAR!!!!!! like it's some kind of exciting thing, and he's recruited Hans and a couple of other buddies to make his dream come true!

I'm just not up to someone elses mid life crisis right now!

So the quote, "What a world, what a world!" is from The Wicked Witch of the West and she says this at the end of The Wizard of Oz.

Right now she's my hero.

I did get started on my little girl purse but I just have to share my latest gym experience (today) with you. I told you about the 'I'm Talking and I Can't Shut Up' lady but unfortunately she's not the only character I've encountered at the gym in my attempt to get healthy.



The music world may have been blessed with Lady Gaga but I've been saddled with Angry Mama. Angry Mama spends her entire workout session on the phone screaming, and in no particular order, to: her kids, her friends, her family, and anyone else she can speed dial at a moments notice. And I have to admit I was a bit puzzled with the fake patent leather, shiny sack of a purse that Angry Mama jerks and yanks about to each work station. And then today I realized it was a Coco Chanel, and while I think Angry Mama is proud of her Coco Chanel, I find it at complete odds with the mean looking tattoos inked across the back of her neck (although if I let someone dig needles into my neck I might not be too cheerful either).

Anyway, today I was on the elliptical machine and since I don't want to be on the elliptical machine I try to watch (really read, as everything is close captioned) the TV and get done with this nonsense as quickly as I can.



And have you ever tried to read what the illiterate closed captioned person is trying to type when they are unfortunate enough to interpret information from a zillion dollar football player who can't speak grammatically correct English? All I can say is, those football players should be thankful that someone is willing to pay them a zillion dollars because otherwise they wouldn't be able to get a job at Wendy's! And can you imagine trying to decipher their drivel over one of those fast food loudspeakers?



So I'm sweating on the elliptical when a voice comes zinging out of nowhere and I think, "Oh please God no! Don't be Angry Mama!!" But it was.

I let my eyes skitter to the left and that's when I saw her big Coco Chanel purse plopped on top of the controls of the treadmill she was using.



Here's an example of just one fun conversation:



Speed dial. "Tell Kevin to call me!" The phone snaps shut and gets slammed onto the top of the treadmill.



Ring.



"What!" Pause. " Tell Kevin to call me!" Snap. Slam.



Ring.



"What!" Pause. "He needs to call me." Snap. Slam.



Ring.



"What!" Pause. "He needs to call me."

Pause.

"Because."

Pause.

"Because."

Pause.

"Because."

Pause.

"I just need to talk to him, okay? Tell him to call me."

Pause.

"Because."

Pause.

"Because."

Pause.

"He needs to call me." Snap. Slam.



Ring.



"What!" Pause. "He needs to call me."

Pause.

"He needs to call me."



And that's when I'm ready to leap from my machine, jerk the phone from Angry Mama's ear, and scream into the mouth piece, "FOR GOD'S SAKE, WHAT PART OF JUST TELL HIM TO CALL HER AREN'T YOU GETTING?????!!!!!!



Today she fought with her daughter. She had her phone between her ear and shoulder and was yanking like crazy at a rowing type of machine. Somehow I don't think the directions specify the human body to be twisted in an abnormal position while attempting to row.



Daughter wanted picked up from somewhere at around 3:30 PM.

"I can't pick you up."

Pause.

"Because I can't."

Pause.

"Because I can't."

Pause.

"Because I can't."

Pause.

"BECAUSE I'M GOING SHOPPING AT THE MALL AND WHEN I SHOP I LIKE TO RELAX AND I'M NOT PICKING YOU UP!!


"WELL WHEN I WORK OUT I LIKE TO RELAX BUT YOU DON'T SEEM TO GIVE A RAT'S ASS DO YOU????" I wanted to scream but since she scares the holy hell out of me, I didn't.

This is the price I pay for moving to a city where I can't just run out my own front door at any time for a run (that doesn't cost anything!), and have to depend on a gym.

I'll be glad when spring gets here and we can go for some decent bike riding and I can maybe walk my Granddog Duncan.

Thank God Duncan doesn't have a Coco Chanel purse.

A finished dress.

Ok, here it is, Simplicity 2951. As far as I'm concerned, it's done (or it will be as soon as I hem it, but I think I'll wait for spring to do that because right now I'm totally sick of it).

Do ignore the unmatching sandals but they're better than black winter shoes.













The side view.
It makes me look flat chested.

This is after I made 2 pleats in the back and then sewed them down starting from the bodice and ending at my waist. Parallel to the back seam; one pleat on each side.

This sucked in the excess fabric in the back. Other wise it hung down (actually it billowed out) and made my backside look huge(er).

Why can't I make something that makes my chest look bigger and my butt smaller??










Back view.

Those lines are where I made the pleats and sewed them down.















A close up of the bodice.

I'm not thrilled but I'll wear it. I lined the whole thing in cotton sateen too so I won't melt into a pool of sweat after sitting on what always ends up being plastic chairs!



So tomorrow I'll start in on a little girl's purse and I'm looking forward to it!

A kinda sorta frustrating week!!

It started at the gym.

The gym is where I go to empty my brain, try to burn a few calories, and attempt to maintain some of the muscle mass that seems to be in a hurry to leave my almost 50 year old body.

But it's tough to do this while everyone around me is shouting into their cell phones, using the weight machines as personal recliners while listening to ipods and texting like mad, or the dreaded "Help me, I'm Talking and I Can't Shut Up!" person who's using the piece of equipment directly in front of me.

I also find it fascinating that the 'I Can't Shut Up' person feels compelled to apply a full applicator of eyeliner and an entire tube of mascara that I guess is supposed to coordinate with her brand new long sleeved shirt, sweat pants, and spanking white tennies, before her excruciating regime of strolling on the treadmill for a half hour.

Some brilliant comments I was subjected to:

Why don't the Haitians take care of themselves (with what I could have asked)?

Nobody better ask her to donate!! And she guesses if she ever needs help, it would be best if she was a European (Wow! Haiti is in Europe?).

Why doesn't anyone want to adopt American babies as there are thousands of them waiting for homes (apparently our streets are teeming with healthy infants)?

The only people who can afford to adopt are pedophiles with good jobs. (?????????)

I will put this experience into the "New Year's Resolution people who show up for a day" file and hope to never see them again!!

So after my shower I jumped back to my Simplicity 2951 dress and it's just deja vu all over again. I really hate to beat a dead horse but I've got a serious problem here. It would appear that I'm not destined to wear a fun Simplicity dress in the way Simplicity intended.

I finished my dress, showed it to Hans, and he asked why I was wearing a sack.

Dear God!!! I've bought simple fun dresses off the rack for years. Why do the ones I make, bag out from my body and hang in a shapeless messes?

Why is this so difficult?

And it brought me right back to this dress. I had to add darts to the back of that one to make it wearable.

So after I put on my latest disaster and having Hans declare it a sack, I ripped the back part of the skirt away from the bodice.

I then smoothed out the gathers and just made two big pleats, each about 3 inches away from the center back seam, and then I stitched them down about 3 1/2 inches from the bodice toward the waist.

Of course this changes the whole concept of the dress. It's supposed to be a flowing kind of dress and the back is now fitted. I haven't even taken a picture of it yet! Maybe I'll take one tomorrow.

So then Hans reminded me that he really liked this Burda dress, and asked why I just don't make it again.

Well, I like it too, but for God's sake I'd like to have more than one successful dress under my belt, and I'd also like one where I can let my gut hang out if I want!!!

Here I am wearing my one success at my 30th class reunion (almost 2 years ago). That's me on the far right and my best friend is in the black dress beside me, and I can't tell you how much fun we had as single divorcee's back in the late 90's.

I firmly believe the best age for having fun and being single is in your late 30's, early 40's.


I think I'll leave it at that.



As a last resort I guess I'll have to post a question on Pattern Review to find out if anyone knows how to fix the issue I seem to be having with a less than fitted type of dress.

Does one do a swayback adjustment on a tent? Does that even make sense? Surely I'm not the only short, curvy person who wants to make a simple dress!


Sunday was a dreary rainy hideous day, and my inability to sew even a simple dress took my whole sewing mojo away so I tried (unsuccessfully) to do my taxes online and Hans (I've mentioned before how smart he is) went into survivor mode and took me to the movies.

I ended up putting in a lot of hours at work this week which is good because I was feeling very sorry for myself and my stupid inability to make a simple dress! Today I picked up the material I need to make a little girl's purse (this fabric) and I'm feeling a bit better because if I do know how to do something, it's sew a purse!

An almost dress, and my famous granddog!!

Poor Hans is having some trouble getting back home from Los Angeles and will be arriving here long after I'm asleep. And since I've been called into work tomorrow to clean two huge houses, a certain someone better not wake me up!
Originally he was supposed to stop over in Arizona.
Sixty mile an hour winds in The Grand Canyon State prevented that.
Las Vegas was the next choice, but the Prostitution is Legal State (other wise known as The Silver State) was experiencing heavy rain delays.
So he's now being flown to The Tar Heel State before catching a plane back to The Keystone State.

Where do they come up with these nicknames anyway, or am I the only person with an imagination??



On the sewing front I was able to get to JoAnn's today and purchase my invisible zipper and muslin, so I started in on Simplicity 2951. Throwing my vanity into the trash I made a size 10 top and a 12 bottom.

Now what do I mean by that last comment? It means that according to the info on the envelope my measurements are a perfect size 12, BUT normally if I were to cut a size 12 it would be miles too big. However this pattern looked suspiciously familiar so I erred on the side of caution and went ahead and cut a 12.

I've mentioned before that the sizing on Simplicity patterns can be alarming and you can be rest assured; they still are! I dug out my Simplicity 2939 which was a success and compared the skirt widths. Close enough I decided, and then whacked this out.

I probably should have added about another inch to the hip area.

It's so difficult to see in these pictures! The top of the skirt (where it meets the bodice) is supposed to be gathered.

I gathered the back but I pleated the front.

I basted the whole thing first, and I wasn't happy with the rear view (big surprise). So I ripped it apart, sewed the skirt fabric to the skirt lining, and then treated them as one.

It looked better with the weight of the lining but I still have to insert my zipper but that will have to wait until another day!

I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

A closer look at the top of the dress. This is a very tiny top, I would have to call it an A cup size. I will enlarge it a bit if I ever make it again.

I decided to put the zipper in the side instead of the back.

But I completely forgot to just place the back piece on the fold and now the back has an unnecessary seam.

No damage, just stupid.

Anyway we'll see how it looks after I get the zipper in, but I'm not holding my breath!

Remember this fabric?

There was quite a bit left over and the lady I made this bench seat cover for has decided she'd like me to make a purse out of it for her 2 year old daughter.

Minus the cat!

I'm going to use this evening bag pattern for it, and I think it will be adorable!

Black and white, with hot pink and lime green accents! It will certainly be a one of a kind bag for a future diva!

I still have to go back to her place to get the fabric so this isn't going to get sewn for a couple of weeks.

Last but not least, my granddog 'Duncan Delicious' made it onto Pitter Patter again!!!

He's so cute!!

Actually this picture was taken over a year ago at Thanksgiving and our poor boy was kept outside on the porch because Kissy Pooh (my mother's pathetic doberman) couldn't handle the stress of another dog in the house (read; someone didn't want to share table scraps!).

So this was the pitiful face we saw peering through the door every time we went to check on him!!!!

Update: Hans just phoned to say he's now in North Carolina (that darned old Tar Heel State) and he'll be home sometime around midnight.

I did confuse him a bit when I answered the phone, "Pretty Kitty Hot Line!"

Hey! Chlorox dared me!

But that Hans is a big stinker! When he hung up he told me to get back to work!

Leaving on a jet plane...

...I love those old 60's songs and that one was going through my mind today as Hans jetted off to Los Angeles this morning. It's a job interview and he'll only be gone for a day but while he's gone I decided to cut out a dress.

Yes, a dress!

It's Simplicity 2951 and I intend to make the strapless version.

I have a pretty piece of green flowered drapey polyester that I brought home this weekend from my mom's house. There's really not much to the pattern but since I need to get an invisible zipper, and some muslin to line the skirt (I will not wear polyester without a lining!) I'm not going to start sewing it until tomorrow.

If this dress works out (and it would certainly be nice for once if it did!) I have some silk I bought in Paris a couple of years ago that I would like to use up.

My problem with dresses is that I seem to over-think and/or over-fit. That might be because I still can't get the hang of the Big 4 patterns and their stupid sizing and easing.

Let's not forget Simplicity 2694 that I made last March. It probably needed to be cut wider in the hip area.

So keeping that in mind I made Simplicity 3529 and ended up with a tent. I've taken the sides in by inches, and I've even added huge horizontal darts to the back and it's still huge, I could be pregnant with an elephant and no one would know! Look at the models; that dress actually has a silhouette, mine doesn't! I haven't taken a picture of it yet because I'm so stinking mad! I guess I'll take even more off the sides and if it's still not right, I'll just throw it out!

Here's the pattern for my elephant dress.

I do have a dress form but Sally Stitch, with her flat butt and sassy ways, doesn't cooperate as much as she should, and spends her days drinking my wine and teasing the cat.

Anyway, I read a post at Brian Sews (maybe one of his first) where he said he just made something again and again until he got it right. Some people probably wouldn't agree with this but I have a feeling that his method might work for me. I learn through repetition. Period.

Here's the fabric my mom gave me.

This is one half of the bodice top.

A close up.

Sorry, I still had my camera on high resolution when I took this picture.

It's The Countess von 'You Know Who' checking out our latest project. I can't do anything without her (nosiness) approval.

Tomorrow, I'll baste this sucker together first to check for fit.

'Fit' being a very appropriate word.

Because if it's not right, I'm going to have one.

A fit.

For sure!!!

More fabric... another purse... same old cat!

The trip to my mother's house went pretty smoothly but I ended up coming home with a paper bag full of fabric.
I don't need any more, as I'm trying to work my way through what I already have on hand, but how could I resist!

I think Chlorox was happier about it than me. Here she is, in a drunken stupor, lying on some of it.

There was quite an assortment (all in the process of being washed and dried) and I'm pretty sure some of the pieces were from my great grandmother's best friend, and I'm not kidding!


I almost left this piece behind because it was so small but it was such a cheerful print I took it anyway.
I put my scissors on it for scale.










A close up.
I've always loved orange and yellow, and here they are together in these pretty little flowers.













I was pretty sure I'd be able to squeeze an Evening Bag out of this remnant and I did!
Not that I'll use it as an Evening Bag, it's more like a fun summer bag.

This fabric is very sheer so to beef it up I basted a piece of white cotton to the body of the bag and the facing, and then treated each piece as one.

The lining is just a simple white cotton.

I used fusible batting on the bag, and I interfaced the lining.
The handles are fabric covered boning and I placed them on a slight angle.
I also layered an orange ribbon and yellow ric-rac over the handles for some added interest.

I was very happy to find the ribbon and ric-rac amongst my stash! As I stated above, I'm trying very hard to use up the stuff I already have on hand.




There's a patch pocket inside with the same ribbon and ric-rac stitched across the top.

And of course a magnetic snap in the facing to keep the bag closed.














A view of the side.

And a close up of the one of the handles.

This bag goes together lickety split and I highly recommend it!